I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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