I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
