I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
