my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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