Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
then he tried to convert me to islam
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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