i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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