I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
