And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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