just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You've changed since you got that strap on
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
