Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
