Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
