How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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