Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
