Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
