Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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