Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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