And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You're like the curious george of whores
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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