4 words: hood of his car
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this hospital has no fireball
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
