i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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