Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
