ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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