she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
