Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
