On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Still dying that you shit outside
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
