You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
