my sisters under your porch take her home
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
