dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
