She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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