Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
