I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
