Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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