you guys were way drunker than both of me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
