shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
