put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
