didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
