i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
