So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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