JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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