So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
