In the future we'll all be gay
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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