Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
