So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
