I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
