i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm like, not good at living.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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