Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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