I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
this hospital has no fireball
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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