Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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