so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
