Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
