so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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